On An Absent Friend
Sensory processing takes time for me. It takes time before I realise that I am cold, hot, or in pain.. or that something is pinching me or even hurting me... And I have come to realise that what I experience is in fact a condition with a name. I have learned this at the age of 40. At the age of 40, looking back to my past relationships, including friendships and companionships, and how I have established and preserved them, I have come to realise that I hold on for too long until I realise how much it hurts me. I hold on to them when it is hurting and it breaks my soul in the end. I picture this, in my head, like having a strong grip with two hands, onto what I have nourished. The grip is strong and I don’t feel pain for an unnecessarily long time. I keep holding while pain is in progress... First, the fingers get numb and I keep holding. It then affects the hands, I ask questions. I ask them directly. People however are never direct. Let me go I say and they tell me to stay. So I do
